How Disagreements Rock Your World!

How Disagreements Rock Your World!

Our brains are incredibly sensitive to nuances and meta-messages. Our need to belong and to be important in each others' eyes is strong; yet there are many ways we signal each other that show that we are not. Disagreeing with another's point of view is the case in point.

When we disagree with someone, we are sending very subtle signals about who is up and who is down – who has the power and who does not.;

Disagreements in the Workplace

Disagreements lead us right into the dance of power – the "alpha-alpha" dynamic. Conflicts and disagreements in the workplace, set off people and cause tensions about power and status.

Disagreeing with someone is not just "disagreeing with their point of view, or the information they are sharing. Disagreeing can communicate the following "meta-messages" if not careful:

  1. I am right, you are wrong.
  2. "You stupid idiot" (YSI) – how could you think such thoughts.
  3. How could you see the world that way.
  4. You must be blind to the truth

How Disagreements Rock Your World! Truth-telling Instincts

Human beings have built in hard-wiring for truth-telling. When we disagree – our truth-telling sensitivities are activated – and we feel the truth or the absence of truth at the deepest levels of our being. We all want to trust our observations and beliefs; however, disagreeing can challenge US at the core of who we are. Disagreements are not felt as disagreements about 'facts and data.' Disagreements are about 'whose view of reality is true.'

When we challenge each other's perspectives, we trigger the Amygdala – the part of our primitive brain that is associated with 'fight/flight/freeze or appease.' The neurochemical reaction to conflict goes deeper and permeates other parts of our brain such as the Prefrontal Cortex, which are associated with our 'executive functions.' Conflict is such a powerful trigger, that when 'conflicts and disagreements' arise between us – we get 'Amygdala Hijacked,' which means we get emotionally threatened and triggered!

Get Smart…

Here are some tips for avoiding getting into an unintended conflict with others:

DON'T SAY

Don't say, "yes – but" – and then deliver your perspective. The "but" negates anything that came before that appeared like an agreement – and turns the conversation into a combat.

DO SAY

Alternatively, saying "yes – and" creates an extended conversation that builds on ideas – it says, what you said is really important,
and let's take it one step further. The "and" invites further development of the conversation and expands perspectives. I call this type of conversation "co-creating" and when people in the workplace make a shift to a co-creating style – even when they don't fully agree with others – it moves people away from adversarial behavior and into collegiality.

How Disagreements Rock Your World!

DON'T SAY

When a colleague or boss uses the phrase "respectfully speaking" it is not generally taken for face value. Instead, it is translated into a way of saying…. "I know I should respect your position" – "BUT" I don't' so here goes with what I think.

DO SAY

"I understand what you are trying to say – help me with this aspect." I'm having trouble seeing how to get from here to there. This is an invitation to talk more deeply about beliefs or observations, it takes you out of the positional dialogue where you are going back and forth one-upping or arguing about what is right, and it invites people to be open to influence.

How Disagreements Rock Your World! Advocating vs. Inquiring

In summary, when we get into conversations that make us feel adversarial. We see people in "persuasion" using high levels of Advocating (their point of view). Sometimes they are Inquiring, however, the intention behind it is to learn what the other person is thinking so you can turn the conversation back to "winning your point."

Sharing and Discovering

As an alternative, "agreements" come more easily when people are open to influence, and when we get into conversations that feel like partnering. Where people share and discover from each other – and where they open the context and framework for both to gain new perspectives. Then agreements are a natural outflow. Even if you agree to disagree – it comes with the spirit of respect.

If you would like to gain more insights into how to have Co-creating Conversations®, how to move from adversaries to partners, please check out my best-selling book Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to WE-Thinking and Build a Healthy Thriving Organization. 

We are pleased to announce that we are now offering Co-Creating Conversations® workshops and certification courses.

Judith E. Glaser is the Author of two best selling business books:

Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization – winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and The DNA of Leadership; the DVD and Workshop titled The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose; and editor and contributor of 42 Rule for Creating WE, an Amazon bestseller.

Breaking Old Belief Cycles

Source: Creating WE: Change –Thinking to WE Thinking and Build a Healthy Thriving Organization (Judith E. Glaser)

Every day you have choices to make, and important choices will either send you into a fatal spiral (an unconscious, self-sabotaging behavioral pattern that you unknowingly create) or they will equip you for being a WE-centric leader.

The more you think about how to become a WE-centric leader the more you are priming yourself to see the crossroad choices you will face as you reach each potentially dangerous or opportunistic intersection. Think about how you interact with people at work now. Do you get caught in the fatal spirals driven by fear that cause you to retreat into your Comfort Zone, or are you focusing on achieving your aspirations and building support for vital spirals to emerge?

Vital spirals emerge when individuals work together to achieve audacious goals. It’s when individuals feel like they have bonded together and the energy of each one energizes the whole. It’s like being in a WE-zone that seems to have an unending source of power to propel the team forward. The result is what I call an arc of innovation. The team leaps forward, exceeding expectations. It’s a powerful, energetic feeling that activates our best performances.

It’s easy to get caught in fatal spirals. They suck you in. Fearing what we don’t know is a powerful motivator to freeze, hide, or give up—to retreat, go into your Comfort Zone, and stay there. Instead, help yourself and others become WE-centric leaders and focus on what you want to create in the world, rather than what you don’t want to risk losing.

Adopt a new way of looking at your role at work, at your ability to lead, and at how you can create conditions for mutual success with others. Aspirations are our North Star. They help us discover what we love to do, what we hope to become, and what we are put on this planet to bring to the world. As we make space for our own growth aspirations to flourish, we expand the life force for everyone.

Try This!

When we call something a fear, we trigger our own “fear habit patterns.” We avoid, we withdraw, and we tell ourselves we can’t do it. The following situations call for courageous conversations. Identify your fears and release them. How might you transform each of these situations into a positive experience?

Letting an employee who has not met your expectations know how she needs to improve.

Comfort Zone: Wait until the end of the year and don’t give her a raise.
Stepping Out: Let her know how to achieve the high standards you hold for her.

Handling criticism and confrontation where you may have to be vulnerable in front of others.

Comfort Zone: Fear of failure and of looking foolish in front of others.
Stepping Out: Take risks; experiment and learn important lessons that will help you and others be successful in the future.

Pushing back on others when they don’t see your point of view.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Handling difficult issues with interpersonal relationships in your workplace.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Pushing yourself to take risks by speaking up about what you believe in.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Expressing your anger and disappointment with others.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Breaking out of the pack

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Sharing what you know when it’s different from others’ points of view.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Speaking up and saying what’s on your mind, anticipating potential conflicts that doing so might create.

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Challenging the status quo

Comfort Zone (your answer):
Stepping Out (your answer):

Break Through Belief Obstacles

Sometimes, we can step out of our Comfort Zones and create breakthoughs in our lives by reframing “belief obstacles.” Here are seven belief obstacles to Creating WE. See which ones apply to you and then apply the reframing wisdom for your transformation.

Co-creating

Belief Obstacle: As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned there are places I can’t go. I’ve learned that telling the truth, being honest, and trusting others can get me in trouble. I’ve learned that politicking is the only way to survive. I exclude people to protect myself from getting hurt. Reframe: Co-creating is about believing that you are uniquely equipped to learn how to navigate “difficult” organizational spaces by interacting with others in a positive way and building a sense of community. Learning how to establish trust, honor, and respect of others and to include others in your future is an artful skill that expands the capacity of the organization and yourself. Honor your ability for being inclusive.

Humanizing – Being a Real Human Being

Belief Obstacle: When people discover who I really am, they will see all of my shortcomings. I therefore must only reveal myself when I am powerful or at my best; otherwise they won’t appreciate me.

Reframe: Humanizing is about believing that you and others are unique human beings, with special gifts to contribute to your family, your work environment, and your community. Unfolding your humanity is a Journey of Discovery of appreciation. Honor it and the wisdom it brings.

Belief Obstacle: When difficulties stand in the way of what I want or dream about, I often step back from wanting and give up trying.

Reframe: Aspiring, by its very nature, envisions more than simply settling for what is adequate. Having outrageous aspirations is about believing in the potential that resides within and holding that passion in front of you as you are climbing the mountain. Recognize the power that aspiring to an optimal future brings.

Navigating – Being open to share your wisdom

Belief Obstacle: Sometimes I believe that when I share what I know, I become less powerful and lose my uniqueness. When I give away what makes me the best, I lose my edge. I give up my identity.

Reframe: Navigating is about believing that you can become part of a community and expand power and influence by sharing what you know. When you offer to integrate and share with others, you become part of a process of expanding power and influence, which in return enables you to gain even more from the process. Sharing success builds more success and hope.

Generating – Being open to innovate and evolve

Belief Obstacle: The world is changing at such a rapid rate that sometimes I become fearful and hold on to my own perspective because it is the one thing that I know and feel I can be certain of.

Reframe: Generating is about believing that the world is in constant evolution and transformation. For you to sing with the potential of the universe you need to move from trying to persuade others of your point of view to challenging what you know—and thus becoming a catalyst for transformation at every level. See and feel the transformational power of catalyzing.

Expressing – Listening to Your Inner Wisdom

Belief Obstacle: Sometimes when I join a community, I feel that it’s safer to accept reality as others see it. Deferring to authority has its rewards.

Reframe: Expression is about intentionally finding and listening to your own inner voice of wisdom and learning how to share it and express it, and not being frightened when your point of view differs from others. Intentionally learning how to express yourself in a larger context of expansion, rather than from conflict, empowers everyone. Honor the insights that come from the synergy of your heart and your mind.

Synchronizing – Connecting Energy

Belief Obstacle: My power comes from what I know and see. The physical world is reality. That is what I see and trust.

Reframe: Synchronizing enables us to value not only that which we know and see but also that which is outside of our control and purview. Embracing the belief that colleagues have something valuable to contribute allows us to synchronize with one another and achieve a higher purpose—we create something of bigger value; we tap into a more powerful energy and wisdom and open up wonderful possibilities that don’t yet exist.

Do Alone or with Others Exercise

You can do this exercise on your own or with partners. It’s valuable to share aspirations with others because it helps you affirm your commitment to action. The following diagram will give you an opportunity to draw out how you think about your Comfort Zone. On the next page please fill in the chart. The goal is for you to see where your edges are in life, what you are holding on to, and what lies on the other side. These are the places where breakthroughs will occur for you.

Step 1: Explore the following areas. Identify situations in each, and place specific issues in either your Comfort Zone (the center) or your Desire (the outer ring). Remember: Desires are aspirations waiting to be born. Consider categories such as these:

  • Big Audacious Goals
  • Business Challenges
  • Aspirations
  • Leadership
  • Business Growth
  • Opportunities

Step 2: Identify the challenge you (or your team) are facing in each area.

Step 3: Identify three key steps you can take to move forward in each area.

Step 4: Identify three key resources you can rely on to move forward in each area.

Step 5: Identify three metrics for success: What result will give you the greatest satisfaction? How will you know when you are successful? How you will celebrate the milestones?

Step 6: Remember to repeat the steps again and stretch your aspirations.

WE-aving It All Together

Working on your deepest character flaws may make you angry with yourself or may even make you unhappy. In these instances, a coach can be helpful to you during times of change. There is a new form of coaching called “organizational coaching.” It starts with coaching for the leaders, yet the content of the coaching is to help leaders expand their point of view from I-centric to WE-centric, which opens the space for mutual growth.

Coaches can be external coaches—like I am—or they can be internal coaches or consultants who are hired on a full-time basis to help the organization with its growth initiatives. Whether internal or external, coaches can help the organization raise its consciousness and facilitate a growth process for discovering potential—at the individual, team, and organizational levels.

Coaches can reinvigorate organizations for the journey ahead and show organizations how to grow into their aspirational potential. Desire drives development and, working together with a skilled coach, an organization can change it’s growth trajectory, its business and, in some cases, the industry. Whether the coach is an internal coach, a peer coach, or an external coach—he or she can help create a powerful roadmap for success. Most of, all coaches can provide executives and organizations with deep insights on Creating WE.

Celebrating What We Have in Common

Celebrating What We Have in Common

This year has been a very special year of global and cultural awakening.

While human beings are separated by geographic boundaries, the reality is we have more in common with our far away neighbors than we often realize.
 

What we have in common is fundamental….. we all have a history, or past, that shapes us. We all have our environment shaping us; and we evolve with an essence of both the power of the past and the power of the present influencing us at the same moment as we engage and connect with others to shape the future.
 

When we open our minds and hearts….. we will discover we share common beliefs about what it means to be a human being in the world today.

As we focus on what we have in common, this act of connectivity will bring us closer rather than push us away from others. The wisdom of connectivity is true whether we choose to connect to people who are in our own back yard, or choose to connect with those who are thousands and thousands of miles away.

To welcome in the New Year and celebrate what we have in common… please take a moment and view this mesmerizing video…Bobby McFerrin uses global audiences to demonstrate a natural sense of shared understanding and connectivity that moves beyond individual interpretations and centers on what 'we instinctively know to be true.'

Hope you enjoy watching our Vital Instincts™ in Action…  The Pentatonic Scales

Notes about Pentatonic Scales:

Source – Wikipedia

A pentatonic scale is a musical scale with five notes per octave in contrast to a heptatonic (seven note) scale such as the major scale. Pentatonic scales are very common and are found all over the world, including Celtic folk music, Hungarian folk music, West African music, African-American spirituals, American folk music, Jazz, American blues music and rock music, Sami joik singing, children's songs, the music of ancient Greece and the Greek traditional music and songs from Epirus, Northwest Greece and the music of Southern Albania, the tuning of the Ethiopian krar and the Indonesian gamelan, Philippine Kulintang, melodies of Korea, Malaysia, Japan, China, India and Vietnam (including the folk music of these countries), the Andean music, the Afro-Caribbean tradition, Polish highlanders from the Tatra Mountains, and Western Classical composers such as French composer, Claude Debussy. The pentatonic scale is also used on the Great Highland Bagpipe.

Celebrating What We Have in CommonThe ubiquity of pentatonic scales, specifically anhemitonic modes, can be attributed to the total lack of the most dissonant intervals between any pitches; there are neither any minor seconds (and therefore also no complementary major sevenths) nor any tritones. This means any pitches of such a scale may be played in any order or combination without clashing.

 

Judith E. Glaser is the Author of two best selling business books:

Creating WE: Change I-Thinking to We-Thinking & Build a Healthy Thriving Organization – winner of the Bronze Award in the Leadership Category of the 2008 Axiom Business Book Awards, and The DNA of Leadership; the DVD and Workshop titled The Leadership Secret of Gregory Goose; and editor and contributor of 42 Rule for Creating WE, an Amazon bestseller

 

How to Guage Our Mindsets

Human Beings has the capacity to regulate mindsets and emotions. Once we understand the five levels of trust, we are able to step into them to master our world and our relationships with elegance and empathy.

Click a thumbnail below to view the slideshow.

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Elemental Wisdom 2

Elemental Wisdom – Start the New Year by Moving Energy in Positive Ways

While some people think of Feng Shui as esoteric, our work with this discipline suggests it is the fundamental wisdom behind all business and relationship success.

In the practice of Feng Shui, a Feng Shui master uses a Bagua (The Feng Shui Masters Tool for Energy Management), which is a template that guides them to explore the placement and relationship of things in the environment to see where energy is being generated, or depleted in the environment. The Bagua dimensions are:  success, relationships, creativity and innovation, knowledge and self-cultivation, health, wealth, fame and reputation, helpful people, integration and balance.

The Feng Shui master helps people take out from the environment those things that deplete energy around those key dimensions, and bring into the environment those things that create positive energy around those dimensions. The same items in the Bagua, interestingly line up with important areas for business success. 

In Feng Shui, the five elements — metal, water, soil, fire and wood — teach us how to enhance and balance the quality of our reactions and interactions. Metal refers to our mental capacities; water to our spiritual; soil to our sensory; wood to our intuitive and fire to our emotional capacities.

Healing Emotional Wounds

When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we often react by projecting the negative feelings we have onto others. We blame them for what we are experiencing. We project our inner fears, hurt and weakness on others, and become critical of them. Sometimes we read into others words and feel judged and alienated – especially when our relationships are broken or not going well. Feeling hurt and rejected, we project “insensitivity” “blame” or “disappointments” onto others. 

Emotional Wisdom: When you are feeling “wounded,” work with your emotions. Avoid projecting your negative emotions onto others and try to view the situation as objectively as possible. Also, try to understand what triggers you — what people, what environments — and make choices accordingly. Remember, you can choose to disengage from negativity or respond to it in a healthy way.

Mental Wisdom… Dealing with Unmet Expectations

How good we feel about our relationships with others is integrally tied into our expectations – many may be unspoken yet fill us with desires and aspirations for how our future will play out. When our expectations are not met — when we don’t get invited to the party, or asked to join the project, or aren’t chosen for the promotion — we feel it in every cell- we feel rejected – we feel abandoned – we feel like an ‘emotional orphan.’ We become sour on life, making it harder and harder for us to experience the full robustness of true partnership and true collaboration. We turn inward. We get aggressive. We withdraw or freeze. We can be so caught up in our own internal experience that we miss an opportunity that is right in front of us.

Metal… Mental Wisdom: Work with your mind. When you begin to imagine “worst-case scenarios,” catch yourself and realize you are imposing “feared implications” on the situation. Don’t be the trigger of your own fatal instincts. Create a new movie. Rewrite the script. Imagine the “best-case scenario” and allow for room for others to show up differently in your movie. Give people in your movie room to be who they are. Allow yourself and others room to co-create the stories. See how much more energy and possibilities come to life.

Sensory Wisdom…Moving from Inference to share Perceptions of the Facts

In life, everything connects. We connect to our environment through our senses, which connect to our feelings, to our minds, to our hopes, desires and beliefs about the world. Once we have an experience, we immediately try to put meaning on it by making inferences and filling in the gaps. We interpret things from own perspective of how we want them to be; we make assumptions and we draw conclusions. From these conclusions, we create beliefs about our relationships with others. 

Earth… Sensory Wisdom: Work with your perceptions when you start to turn data into stories that are not really grounded in fact – or stories in which you impose interpretations such as “foe” “us-them” or “if only they would.”  Catch yourself, and climb back down from interpretation to explore others perspectives and to seek to understand the facts as they see them, not just as you see them. Step back and step down to the ground — that is what grounded wisdom is all about.

Spiritual Wisdom: Protecting our Ego

When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we often react by protecting ourselves from experiencing the same pain again. We avoid the person, making sure we do not come face-to-face with what is causing our distress. We stay clear. We put obstacles in our path and our adversary’s path so we don’t meet him or her again. When we are severely bothered, we turn to face-saving behaviors to protect our ego, meaning that we will go to all costs to ensure that “we look good” and “they look bad.”  

Spiritual Wisdom: Work with your self. Notice when you “stand behind your ego” rather than face-to-face with others. By daring to be vulnerable, and you will discover greater love and support in your life than what you would ever imagine experiencing. Vulnerability actually triggers others to be truthful with you. Being vulnerable and honest actually changes the playing field and asks others to meet you eye-to-eye, and heart-to-heart. Vulnerability says, “I am open to influence and I am open to you.” Being trusting with others is the single most admired quality of leaders – the best leaders.

Intuitive Wisdom: Managing our own Self-Talk

When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we may react by creating a dialogue with ourselves about what we believe is happening. More often than not, this “self-talk” is more disabling than enabling. We grumble about our disappointments. We get angry. We make others the bad guys. By engaging in self-talk, we disconnect from others and we create noise inside so that we can no longer hear our inner guidance. Sometimes intuition and self-talk can become confused — only over time and with great sensitivity to the quality of guidance that comes from the inner voice do we learn to separate out the true intuitive inner guidance from destructive self-talk.

Wood… Intuitive Wisdom: Work with your inner voices, tuning in clearly so that you can distinguish between negative self-talk and your true inner voice. Allow yourself to be still, to acknowledge your self-talk as a voice of concern for you. Honor your self-talk and thank it for being with you and for being there to guide you. Then allow space and openness to give your true inner voice a chance to emerge. Be sure not to let negative self-talk dominate your inner domain, preventing your inner voice of intuition from guiding you forward.

Practicing New Rituals

As a New Year Ritual, Leaders should set up team meetings around the seven dimensions of focus and discuss how they want the New Year to unfold based on the learnings from the previous year.

The key areas for discussion are:

  • Success – what does it look like – what do we want it to look like?
  • Relationships – what are great relationships and partnership all about?
  • Creativity and Innovation – what will drive us in the future?
  • Knowledge and Cultivation of Wisdom – what are our best practices and how to we work together to surface them?
  • Health – what kind of environments do we want to create to yield the best results?
  • Wealth – how to we design our organization for greatest profitability?
  • Fame & Reputation – how do we create a culture that reflects the best of our brand and how do we cultivate our brand for its greatest potential.
  • Helpful People – who are the people we need to work with and build partnerships with for ultimate success?
  • Integration and Balance – how do we create environments that enable us to work together to maximize our mutual success

Elemental Wisdom

Elemental Wisdom describes the timeless, insightful knowing about how we can evolve ourselves to the next level of greatness. When we understand how our Elemental Wisdom impacts relationships, our environment and our organizations, we are able enhance all of our interactions and deepen our relationships, and open ourselves to greater possibilities for creating outrageous futures.  Applying Elemental Wisdom to our relationship with ourselves and with others, helps us achieve closure with our broken connections, and encourages our own healing process. 

We have found having conversations with others about the 9 key elements in the bagua, creates renewed "intention" for future success, clears out old beliefs that may be standing in the way, creates a focus for the futures, and drives a team forward towards a shared vision.

Elemental Wisdom for the New Year


Feng Shui teaches us about our Elemental Wisdom through an understanding of the five elements and the use of the Bagua.

Elemental Wisdom – Start the New Year by Moving Energy in Positive Ways

While some people think of Feng Shui as esoteric, our work with this discipline suggests it is the fundamental wisdom behind all business and relationship success.

In the practice of Feng Shui, a Feng Shui master uses a Bagua (The Feng Shui Masters Tool for Energy Management), which is a template that guides them to explore the placement and relationship of things in the environment to see where energy is being generated, or depleted in the environment. The Bagua dimensions are: success, relationships, creativity and innovation, knowledge and self‐cultivation, health, wealth, fame and reputation, helpful people, integration and balance.

The Feng Shui master helps people take out from the environment those things that deplete energy around those key dimensions, and bring into the environment those things that create positive energy around those dimensions. The same items in the Bagua, interestingly line up with important areas for business success.

In Feng Shui, the five elements — metal, water, soil, fire and wood — teach us how to enhance and balance the quality of our reactions and interactions. Metal refers to our mental capacities; water to our spiritual; soil to our sensory; wood to our intuitive and fire to our emotional capacities.

  • Healing Emotional Wounds

    When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we often react by projecting the negative feelings we have onto others. We blame them for what we are experiencing. We project our inner fears, hurt and weakness on others, and become critical of them. Sometimes we read into others words and feel judged and alienated – especially when our relationships are broken or not going well. Feeling hurt and rejected, we project “insensitivity” “blame” or “disappointments” onto others.

    • Emotional Wisdom: When you are feeling “wounded,” work with your emotions. Avoid projecting your negative emotions onto others and try to view the situation as objectively as possible. Also, try to understand what triggers you — what people, what environments — and make choices accordingly. Remember, you can choose to disengage from negativity or respond to it in a healthy way.
  • Mental Wisdom… Dealing with Unmet Expectations

    How good we feel about our relationships with others is integrally tied into our expectations – many may be unspoken yet fill us with desires and aspirations for how our future will play out. When our expectations are not met — when we don’t get invited to the party, or asked to join the project, or aren’t chosen for the promotion — we feel it in every cell‐ we feel rejected – we feel abandoned – we feel like an ‘emotional orphan.’ We become sour on life, making it harder and harder for us to experience the full robustness of true partnership and true collaboration. We turn inward. We get aggressive. We withdraw or freeze. We can be so caught up in our own internal experience that we miss an opportunity that is right in front of us.

    • Metal… Mental Wisdom: Work with your mind. When you begin to imagine “worst‐case scenarios,” catch yourself and realize you are imposing “feared implications” on the situation. Don’t be the trigger of your own fatal instincts. Create a new movie. Rewrite the script. Imagine the “best‐case scenario” and allow for room for others to show up differently in your movie. Give people in your movie room to be who they are. Allow yourself and others room to co‐create the stories. See how much more energy and possibilities come to life.
  • Sensory Wisdom…Moving from Inference to share Perceptions of the Facts

    In life, everything connects. We connect to our environment through our senses, which connect to our feelings, to our minds, to our hopes, desires and beliefs about the world. Once we have an experience, we immediately try to put meaning on it by making inferences and filling in the gaps. We interpret things from own perspective of how we want them to be; we make assumptions and we draw conclusions. From these conclusions, we create beliefs about our relationships with others.

    • Earth… Sensory Wisdom: Work with your perceptions when you start to turn data into stories that are not really grounded in fact – or stories in which you impose interpretations such as “foe” “us‐them” or “if only they would.” Catch yourself, and climb back down from interpretation to explore others perspectives and to seek to understand the facts as they see them, not just as you see them. Step back and step down to the ground — that is what grounded wisdom is all about.
  • Spiritual Wisdom: Protecting our Ego

    When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we often react by protecting ourselves from experiencing the same pain again. We avoid the person, making sure we do not come faceto‐ face with what is causing our distress. We stay clear. We put obstacles in our path and our adversary’s path so we don’t meet him or her again. When we are severely bothered, we turn to face‐saving behaviors to protect our ego, meaning that we will go to all costs to ensure that “we look good” and “they look bad.”

    • Spiritual Wisdom: Work with your self. Notice when you “stand behind your ego” rather than face‐toface with others. By daring to be vulnerable, and you will discover greater love and support in your life than what you would ever imagine experiencing. Vulnerability actually triggers others to be truthful with you. Being vulnerable and honest actually changes the playing field and asks others to meet you eye‐to‐eye, and heart‐to‐heart. Vulnerability says, “I am open to influence and I am open to you.” Being trusting with others is the single most admired quality of leaders – the best leaders.
  • Intuitive Wisdom: Managing our own Self‐Talk

    When we feel hurt, belittled, wrongly judged, cast out, neglected or isolated, we may react by creating a dialogue with ourselves about what we believe is happening. More often than not, this “self‐talk” is more disabling than enabling. We grumble about our disappointments. We get angry. We make others the bad guys. By engaging in self‐talk, we disconnect from others and we create noise inside so that we can no longer hear our inner guidance. Sometimes intuition and self‐talk can become confused — only over time and with great sensitivity to the quality of guidance that comes from the inner voice do we learn to separate out the true intuitive inner guidance from destructive self‐talk.

    • Wood… Intuitive Wisdom: Work with your inner voices, tuning in clearly so that you can distinguish between negative self‐talk and your true inner voice. Allow yourself to be still, to acknowledge your self‐talk as a voice of concern for you. Honor your self‐talk and thank it for being with you and for being there to guide you. Then allow space and openness to give your true inner voice a chance to emerge. Be sure not to let negative self‐talk dominate your inner domain, preventing your inner voice of intuition from guiding you forward.

Practicing New Rituals

As a New Year Ritual, Leaders should set up team meetings around the seven dimensions of focus and discuss how they want the New Year to unfold based on the learnings from the previous year.

The key areas for discussion are:

  • Success ‐ what does it look like ‐ what do we want it to look like?
  • Relationships ‐ what are great relationships and partnership all about?
  • Creativity and Innovation ‐ what will drive us in the future?
  • Knowledge and Cultivation of Wisdom ‐ what are our best practices and how to we work together to surface them?
  • Health ‐ what kind of environments do we want to create to yield the best results?
  • Wealth ‐ how to we design our organization for greatest profitability?
  • Fame & Reputation ‐ how do we create a culture that reflects the best of our brand and how do we cultivate our brand for its greatest potential.
  • Helpful People ‐ who are the people we need to work with and build partnerships with for ultimate success?
  • Integration and Balance ‐ how do we create environments that enable us to work together to maximize our mutual success

Elemental Wisdom

Elemental Wisdom describes the timeless, insightful knowing about how we can evolve ourselves to the next level of greatness. When we understand how our Elemental Wisdom impacts relationships, our environment and our organizations, we are able enhance all of our interactions and deepen our relationships, and open ourselves to greater possibilities for creating outrageous futures. Applying Elemental Wisdom to our relationship with ourselves and with others, helps us achieve closure with our broken connections, and encourages our own healing process.

We have found having conversations with others about the 9 key elements in the bagua, creates renewed "intention" for future success, clears out old beliefs that may be standing in the way, creates a focus for the futures, and drives a team forward towards a shared vision.

‘Double‐Clicking’ My Way to Success

By Judith E. Glaser | womenentrepreneur.com Entrepreneur Media, Inc
Published: January 2011

Seeing the World in a New Way

Tony Buzan’s Mind Mapping book and techniques changed my life. They gave me the tools to start to think differently not only about how to manage my own mind but also how to help my clients innovatively transform relationships, teams and even their whole organization.

Mind mapping is a visual approach to thinking. It is visually organizing information around a central idea, then adding branches of related details (ideas, notes, images, tasks, hyperlinks and attachments) to flesh out the idea. You end up with a big picture clearly before you, and branches for tracking all the details.

What is so exciting about mind mapping is that its framework offers a way to think both analytically and creatively at the same time. A common analytical framework is to organize material around big ideas and sub‐ideas ‐‐ big concepts and then bulleted sub‐topics. Yet for people who have creative minds, it’s very difficult to think in a linear fashion. Creative minds make links that others don’t think of or see right away. Having the freedom to create links that don’t follow any type of logical order ‐‐ and to do it visually ‐‐ is at the heart of the mind mapping approach.

The Evolution of Mind Mapping

My company has evolved over the years to include mind mapping as part of the work I do with all my clients. When using mind mapping, I started noticing that drawing ideas in visual maps or "mind maps" facilitated my client conversations and enabled us to work out challenging ideas in a highly collaborative way – even when there were potential conflicts amongst team members. When we were graphically mind mapping, we could feel an organic shift take place that turned foes into friends, and ‘my idea’ into ‘our idea.’

Our conversations were so powerful, I gave them a special name ‐ Co‐creating Conversations®. The conversations seemed to simulate an experience of mind melding – a shift from I to WE ‐ that had the power to quell the fear centers of the brain, and activate the partnering centers of the brain. As a result, people began to innovate and co‐create at levels far beyond what they had ever experienced before.

Recent studies have shown that when we feel deeply connected with others, our brains produce oxytocin. Nicknamed the "love hormone," oxytocin has been shown to contribute to behaviors such as relationship building, bonding and collaboration in teams. Our brains also start to mirror each other’sbrains – which scientist can even show on an fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) – which is a scan of the brains activity. When people are really connecting, they also are activating a special category of neurons called mirror neurons – which truly enable us to ‘see the world from another persons’ eyes.

Double‐Clicking™

The combination of mind mapping and Creating WE, the philosophy behind my work, has been ideal for helping clients with some of their biggest challenges – for example when team members act like competitors and when they form silos or exhibit "us/them" thinking.

These two technologies give clients a way to create a safe space for breaking down barriers to trust. One technique I invented using mind mapping tools I call Double‐Clicking. I gave it this name because the process mimics the ‘double‐clicking’ that we use when opening folders on the computer. When I use Double‐Clicking with teams, I ask them to delve into – or double‐click ‐ on their individual mindscapes to share and compare word meanings and perceptions with each other.

Using Mind Mapping for Team Engagement

Double‐clicking is one of the most powerful ways to create team engagement and shift conflicts into co‐creation. Here is a great example of the application of Double‐Clicking to create business success.

Most people define “success” very differently, but don’t realize it. One person may view team success as a lack of conflict, another as the ability to share differing ideas, and another sees it purely as a financial measure. By double‐clicking on success, individuals can begin to understand each other’s perceptions better and dramatically improve how they work together. Breaking down barriers and creating bonding is the secret behind double‐clicking.

Try This Double Clicking Exercise!

Here are a few things you can do to experiment with Double‐Clicking and mind mapping:

  1. Gather a group of people – or a team that are going to work together. Have them sit at tables – 5‐7 people/table
  2. Pick a few key words or concepts that are vital to your organizations success
  3. Ask each person to individually mind map one key word – and when they get stuck and run out of ideas, to double‐click on an existing idea to discover other embedded ideas
  4. Then ask them to share and compare the mind maps looking for words and concepts in common
  5. Work as a whole group to identify the most important linkages that emerge from the mind mapping process and merge them together in one big map
  6. Repeat the process with other key words